Hello my siblings in mmm, I’m Bojan and I am not your spiritual father - this makes me especially qualified to give you all of these pieces of advice for Lent!
1st. Before Lent beings, stuff yourself with all the food you’ve bought in advance, knowing full well that the Great Lent is just around the corner. That will allow you to start fasting one, two, or even three days after Lent begins. It is a sin to waste food, after all. The food you’ve bought. Knowing full well when Lent begins.
2nd. Promise to yourself that you will keep your fast perfectly according to the rules and attend all the lenten services. That way, when you finally cave in, you can bother your spiritual father with your self-imposed rigorous discipline.
3st. Do something heavy. Don’t quit porn or gossip, those things are easy, fit for weaker, smaller saints. Do difficult stuff: wear chains, stand on a pillar, fight ISIS.
4th. Go three full days without food or water. It’s okay, you can do it. If monks who subsist on little can do it, why wouldn't you? You’ll show them, you’ll show them all!
5th. Give up things that will turn you into a walking minefield, such as coffee or naps. That way, according to St. Seraphim of Sarov, everyone around you will be saved. They won’t be saved by the grace of the Holy Spirit, to be sure, they’ll be saved by putting up with you, but it is the end results that matter, right? Some people fill the calendar of the saints by being Saint Emily, some fill the calendar by being a literal Diocletian. I am glad you made the right choice.
6th. You don’t need to prepare for Lent. Your pizza- and cheeseburger based diet for the whole previous year has provided you with enough nutrients to go full scale vegan for a month and a half. What can possibly go wrong?
7th. Deactivate your Facebook profile. That way- oh it’s back on again? Okay.
8th. Blame the Church! If you fail to keep up the fast, it is the fault of those monks who made up all the rules! What those people who have devoted their lives to prayer could possibly know what God wants? God wants us to have it easy. Crucifixion probably isn’t even that bad.
9th. Read a good spiritual classic that is meant for a cave-dwelling ascetic. Apply everything you have learned. Focus on the fifth chapter of The Ladder.
10th. Make a fuss whenever you socialize and someone offers you non-lenten meal. Other people have prevented your ascension to sainthood for long enough! Sure, the Gospels say we should eat what is set before us, and we need to ensure that what is set before us is lenten, or there’ll be hell to pay.
11ththththt. The Lord forbids us to brag about fasting, but He said nothing about doing it in the backhanded way. Discuss fasting often. Share fasting-related content on your social networks, like recipes and inspiring quotes. Don’t brag how you fast, complain how other people do not fast.
Well, that's it for this clip. I'm glad you people liked it. This way you will grow closer to Jesus Christ, and then, you will find favor with- Oh! Oh!
1st. Before Lent beings, stuff yourself with all the food you’ve bought in advance, knowing full well that the Great Lent is just around the corner. That will allow you to start fasting one, two, or even three days after Lent begins. It is a sin to waste food, after all. The food you’ve bought. Knowing full well when Lent begins.
2nd. Promise to yourself that you will keep your fast perfectly according to the rules and attend all the lenten services. That way, when you finally cave in, you can bother your spiritual father with your self-imposed rigorous discipline.
3st. Do something heavy. Don’t quit porn or gossip, those things are easy, fit for weaker, smaller saints. Do difficult stuff: wear chains, stand on a pillar, fight ISIS.
4th. Go three full days without food or water. It’s okay, you can do it. If monks who subsist on little can do it, why wouldn't you? You’ll show them, you’ll show them all!
5th. Give up things that will turn you into a walking minefield, such as coffee or naps. That way, according to St. Seraphim of Sarov, everyone around you will be saved. They won’t be saved by the grace of the Holy Spirit, to be sure, they’ll be saved by putting up with you, but it is the end results that matter, right? Some people fill the calendar of the saints by being Saint Emily, some fill the calendar by being a literal Diocletian. I am glad you made the right choice.
6th. You don’t need to prepare for Lent. Your pizza- and cheeseburger based diet for the whole previous year has provided you with enough nutrients to go full scale vegan for a month and a half. What can possibly go wrong?
7th. Deactivate your Facebook profile. That way- oh it’s back on again? Okay.
8th. Blame the Church! If you fail to keep up the fast, it is the fault of those monks who made up all the rules! What those people who have devoted their lives to prayer could possibly know what God wants? God wants us to have it easy. Crucifixion probably isn’t even that bad.
9th. Read a good spiritual classic that is meant for a cave-dwelling ascetic. Apply everything you have learned. Focus on the fifth chapter of The Ladder.
10th. Make a fuss whenever you socialize and someone offers you non-lenten meal. Other people have prevented your ascension to sainthood for long enough! Sure, the Gospels say we should eat what is set before us, and we need to ensure that what is set before us is lenten, or there’ll be hell to pay.
11ththththt. The Lord forbids us to brag about fasting, but He said nothing about doing it in the backhanded way. Discuss fasting often. Share fasting-related content on your social networks, like recipes and inspiring quotes. Don’t brag how you fast, complain how other people do not fast.
Well, that's it for this clip. I'm glad you people liked it. This way you will grow closer to Jesus Christ, and then, you will find favor with- Oh! Oh!
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